Roseanne such a sweet delicate fragile flower. Where have you gone? The woman whom when I first met, would lay her head on my shoulder, who late at night went to Dunkin’ Donuts to sit down and drink some coffee with me. The woman who walked with me late at night through central park and held my hand, and under the pouring rain, made the daring first move. After that night nothing was ever the same, I was never the same, with just a kiss you had me, that exact moment you made me yours. Then everything went downhill, you messaged me one night and told me that you couldn’t text me anymore because you didn’t want any problems. I was confused and hurt, you never did hear my voice cracking up over the phone,you never did see the tears running down my face. Then you hung up, and I was left there…hurt, and rejected. Not knowing what do, with my palms sweaty, and my blood boiling I yelled at the top of my lungs, why? why would you do this to me? If you knew I would do everything and anything for you. As i put my head down, as if I were a dog with his head between his legs I ran home, I ran seventy blocks in the winter cold hoping that I could find some relief in that, but it did nothing for my damaged self.
After this incident, we stopped talking for a good month, and in that month being lost and lonely, aching for you, I found someone. We talked, we hanged out, and everything seemed to click. There was only one problem though. You were still in the picture, I still could not forget you, even though we were never together, you were always on my mind. You were in every corner that I turned, even when I closed my eyes you were still there. Then you messaged me, telling me you missed me, and that you wanted to see me, you do not understand how happy I was from reading this, how I was cheesing from ear to ear, just by a simple text. I decided to drop that person, to chase you once again. A dog is always loyal to his master, and I truly believe that you mastered my heart, you took control of me once again.
I would go to class 3 hours early, buy you food, not to get something out of you, but to let you know that I cared whether or not you ate, whether you were hungry or thirsty, that I was always there for you whenever I was able to. I did this for 2 days out of the week, and in return I would get 20-30 mins of your time before you had to go home and tend to your child, and i conformed myself to this, because at least I was able to spend time with you. You would always tell me that I was weird because I was always staring at you, but you never understood what was going on in my mind, how happy I was every time to see you. How beautiful, and perfect you looked, with your big sparkling eyes that would emit a radiant feeling that only I was able to feel.
Then yesterday I did the same mistake as I did in the past. I poured my heart out to you, I practically laid it out on the table for you too feed off. I sent you this beautifully long message which I wrote from the bottom of my heart;
“Her eyes drive me crazy, burning with passion. When I look at them it’s almost as if time were to inexplicably stop. The sad reality is that with just a look at her, I lose myself, I lose touch with my emotions, cause at that moment, whether it is for a second or for a fraction of a second, she dominates every action and feeling that were once mine, and if only she knew how much I truly cared for her, or thought about her, if only my eyes could speak for themselves.”
In response all I got from you was a basic 6 worded sentence, and you never referred to it again. In that moment i realized that you never did feel the same way towards me as I felt for you, and that shattered everything i held on to, I was now broken into a million pieces all longing for your attention, but my eyes were wide open to the truth, the truth that I had blindly put off, because I was just too deeply infatuated with you to realize anything. I knew that I could never be yours, nor you be mine. I came to the conclusion that maybe it was best for us to part ways, forever, because if you are still in my life, I would always go to you, seeking approval but in return get the same cycle of rejection all over again. I don’t know what I feel for you, is it obsession? Is it love? I’m a fool for you, and I will be for a very long time, I can honestly say that I will be comparing every woman that I ever meet in the future to you.
If you ever stumble across this, I just want you to know that you are wonderfully amazing. You truly unlocked the romantic side of me, the side who did not want anything but to love and be loved, to feel accepted. I respect you as a woman, and most importantly as a person, and I want you to be happy, cause if you truly care for someone you would not wish them anything except the best. I wish you the best beautiful. You will always be perfect in my eyes. If only you could have realized how much i cared for you, That you were making plans to hang out with everyone but me, you kept me in the shadows, and I was always there left alone and cold but always with a smile on my face.
franciscoperez21 